There are many times that we can feel that we don’t belong, that we don’t fit in, we can feel on the outside. This can be a very lonely and painful place to be.
We are born craving to feel safe and secure and longing to feel that we belong. If we can feel this we can relax and rest in ourselves.
When we feel we don’t belong we can start to doubt ourselves and judge ourselves. We can feel unlovable and our feelings of self worth and self-love can turn into feelings of unworthiness and self hate. We can feel that there must be something wrong with us and often we can start punishing or harming ourselves.
To begin to turn this around we need to start becoming compassionate and kind to ourselves. Making sure that the things we are saying to ourselves are caring, kind and nourishing. We need to start getting to know ourselves, spending time alone and we need to start to connect to our beauty on the inside. By doing this we start to give ourselves the security and love that we crave for. We can start to feel that we belong to ourselves. We can begin to rest and relax and enjoy our own company.
John O’Donohue writes it beautifully
“No one else can confer dignity on you; it is something that comes from within. You cannot fake it or acquire it as you would an accent. You can only receive the gift of dignity from your own heart. When you learn to embrace your self with a sense of appreciation and affection, you begin to glimpse the goodness and light that is in you, and gradually you will realize that you are worthy of respect from yourself. When you recognize your limits, but still embrace your life with affection and graciousness, the sense of inner dignity begins to grow. You become freer and less dependent on the affirmations of outer voices and less troubled by the negativity of others. Now you know that no one has the right to tarnish the image that you have of yourself....Even in compromising and demeaning situations, you can still hold your sense of dignity. At such times your sense of dignity will keep a space of tranquillity about you. In the Third World, one is often struck by the immense dignity of the poor. Even hunger and oppression cannot rob them of this grace of spirit. If you do not give it away, no event, situation, or person can take your dignity away from you. The different styles of presence reveal how we belong to ourselves.”