Being Alive

by Jo Lawrence-Mills

This is truly beautiful ....... "I am saddened I have spent so long in the reception room of my mind. I know there are other rooms in the mansion of my consciousness. I know there are more hidden gardens in my heart. And the sky, as vast as it is, is just a blink of my spirits eye. Somewhere in time I got distracted by safety and lost touch with the magic of risk and how alive I allowed myself to feel with the drug of curiosity and tonic of mystery. I feel like I have left a child abandoned and neglected somewhere in the wake of my life. I was that child, I don't know when or why but I stopped playing and started to conform to the straitjackets of people's addiction to regular lives. I have caught myself out red handed trying to fit in and no longer breaking out. I cannot be safe for the sake of all those around me that want a stable perception of their world, sealed in a comfort zone that drugs them with normality. No.No. I must risk a little. I must risk releasing myself from an anaesthetic comfort for the danger of a rallying call for loudly awakening. As I am drawn to rooms long not visited in my awareness, I hear the music and songs last left in the air. I remember who I was. I remember I was bigger than I am now. Something led me to believe being smaller was safer, staying in one room would be the least confrontational. It wasn't. I was lucky that parts of me were just misplaced and left where they last served me. I wonder if some of those emotional and creative flames died out. How would I know? If they died I would have no light to guide me back to where they were to ignite them once again. I do feel a gossamer warmth from the last of their embers. I will breathe in each place and feel for an awakening of those long lost fires. I cannot let my joy diminish, I have yet shared so little. My soul's wilderness is a beautiful untamed world. I do not want to cut a path through it, I want it to grow around me and through me and I want to grow into it. A fierce nature is gathering around me and coming up within me. This time, I will not get in its way. It is time for the primal forces of my deepest nature to uncover a world long lost to a programmed life. I have an amazing life but now I can release what was always extraordinary within it. I did not choose to be extraordinary so I am beginning to wonder if the extraordinary chose to move through me."
Jazz Rasool