Feelings of unworthiness are the root of the self hates patterns. Self hate keeps us from feeling loved from another. We are frozen in unworthiness.
The only way to heal the dark demon at the center of the SELF is to allow the feelings of self-loathing expression, in a safe place and hopefully with someone who loves and can listen without judging.
The anti-dote to self-hate is not self-love. You cannot simply choose self-love. Change by choice only happens in the mind and spirit. We cannot just jump to self-acceptance.
The pain held in the unconscious lives on until it is given expression in the way IT needs to express. Emotional essence needs to express in emotional ways. That’s why crying is such an important healing tool.
Self love isn’t the anti-dote, it the result, the evolutionary landing point that comes naturally after healing has taken place.
The mind does have an important role to paly in the healing of self-hate. As with forgiveness, rage and other difficult healings, we MUST set an intention to heal. When you set an intention to love yourself you are purposely and consciously setting the stage for change. Once you have done that you will be able to go deep into the feelings under the surface and allow them to cry.
The mind holds the intent for self-love, and that includes love for all parts of the self.
Self-hate is one of the most difficult patterns to break out of and this can often be because there is a true feeling of self –survival.
We know that if we go into these dark feelings we will get to a place that says, “ I don’t deserve to live”.
The first step in healing is to know that it is possible to heal these feelings. By finding the awareness and crying these feelings will start to release.
Interrupting the pattern
It is so easy to fall into the negative patters of self-hate and so it is important to have some tools to interrupt the ways that the made acts in collusion with the self hate.
We have to interrupt that negative self-talk.
· Do something different from your norm – jump, dance put music on, just something that can interrupt the critical voice going round your head like a round robin.
· Talk back to the voice –. Say things like “I’m wonderful, I’m the most loveable and valuable person in the world!” Say it loud and with as much feeling as you can muster. What will happen, if you allow it, is the feelings of self-loathing will rise up. You’ll feel it as an urge to laugh when you say these “ridiculous” things about yourself. Or you might feel it as anger, an angry voice that says, “No, I’m not wonderful or loveable, I’m crap!” If you can let the feelings come further to the surface, they will begin to cry, either as grief-type self-loathing, or rage-type self-hate. Or both! Let it come, let it surface and cry, for as long as you can.
· Talk WITH it. - Similar to the method above, this one lets you take the maudlin self-hate pattern and exaggerate it, make it bigger and worse, as bad as you can possibly imagine. You may get some tears with this method also. Or it may just make you laugh, which is perfectly acceptable. It’s one way to interrupt the pattern & stop the record from playing over and over again.
· Release judgments, set goals & visualise. - Visualise yourself as a worthy, powerful person. Write down self-loving affirmations and tack them to your walls and refrigerator doors. By doing these things you are setting the stage for self-love.
· Regaining heart- Often after a big spate of self hate crying, you will go into tears of heartbreak this will help you feel you heart again.
· Imagine Love- Imagine a loving presence around you – mother, father and try to imagine them loving you .Try to imagine them hugging you and telling you how they feel about you.
· Giving Hatred Back – If you have been bullied or abused try to pass the hatred back to them rather than holding on to it and pointing it at yourself.
· Breathe in love – Take some deep, slow breaths and try to feel love coming in and then let yourself rest in the arms of love and know that you are valuable and worthy.