The Empath without Boundaries
The empath without boundaries "holds space" for the chaotic expression of somebody else's fear, shame and negativity, unknowingly absorbing it like rain into her skin, receiving the garment of somebody else's darkness.
She thinks she is being understanding and compassionate, and forgets herself in the shadow of somebody else's pain.
The empath without boundaries places herself as a doormat at the feet of those unable or unwilling to see their own inner landscape as the source of their misery, instead pointing fingers at anyone and everything, distorting the reality of the empath.
Who she once trusted, she now doubts, who she once loved, she dislikes.
Her own wounds and weaknesses are entered by the darkness that she willingly opens herself up to, adding fuel to fire, thinking that she can heal it, help it, fix it, but is herself in need of her own presence, her own self, her own love.
The bond created between her and her stressed out parent/family member as a child recreates itself in this delusion based friendship as she enables and confirms the fear based reality being portrayed as truth, in the hopes of the approval, respect and acceptance from that person.
But by the end of it all, she feels depleted and empty, after nights and days of just sitting and receiving the bombardment of negative information that actually has no basis in her own reality. When she tries to express her authentic self, she is treated as naive, less experienced, inferior, and can easily trigger a traumatising response, which she is so terrified of for she depends on the acceptance and approval of this person.
The empath without boundaries’ codependency is poisonous, and drains her life force, until she suddenly becomes aware of this unhealthy, unconscious pattern within herself and her relationships.
At first she is angry at all those who have been taking and taking from her energy without giving back in the same measure. Those who took advantage of her weakness and treated her poorly. Then she realises that it was her own self that allowed for it to happen, that she consistently gave of herself out of a severe fear of being alone.
She always wanted to "be there for" someone, as being the “therapist" was the only love language she could recognize, after a childhood of being the peacekeeper/maker in her conflict fuelled family.
She begins to recognize how her lack of boundaries has only lead to her own pain and suffering, and how being a martyr only served the other and enabled their refusal to take responsibility for their own feelings and process.
She recognizes how her desperation for somebody else's approval has left her wounded and empty, for they cannot even approve of themselves, let alone anyone else. She took both their praise and their poison so personally, flying to the highest heights only to be dropped all the way back down. She placed her happiness in their hands, and they themselves did not know of such a thing.
The empath without boundaries begins to realise that she has been mistaking abuse for love, self sacrifice for love, toxic soul ties and agreements for love. She has been justifying the ill actions of others out of fear of being alone, leading to her own repressed anger and sadness, that lead to her mistreating others.
Blaming the other is not enough to shift this paradigm, taking self responsibility would be the first step.
The empath without boundaries begins to form her first boundary by saying that she no longer wishes to be a dumping ground for other people's unprocessed turmoil, and is no one's therapist, unless some kind of specific agreement has been drawn up and agreed upon.
She recognises how she wishes to be treated in a friendship, relationship, etc, and begins to prioritise her own wellbeing, serving her own needs and desires first, and stopping someone dead in their tracks when they begin to insert negative narratives into her reality without her consent.
She begins to recognise what and what is not her responsibility, and does not carry what is not hers to bear.
She does not accept the fear and shame of others as a truth in her own reality, instead questioning where it has come from, and whether it is a reality that can be changed for the better.
She recognises that everything is a choice, and that she is not cursed to endure a reality that does not align with her true spirit and soul.
She acknowledges that what she sees in those around her are all reflections of her inner landscape, and that even those who were taking from her energetically, are teachers and lessons that she signed up for so that she could level up to the next phase of her self discovery.
What she is not happy with in her reality can be changed by addressing the feelings that are triggered because of those things.
What she accepts will relent, and what she resists will persist.
She no longer just absorbs what the other is saying, but points out possible points for reflection and questioning, and instead of just enabling and accepting ego stories so as not to cause conflict, she encourages further growth and introspection in both herself and others.
She welcomes challenges to her own paradigm and ideas, embracing healthy debate that doesn't leave her stagnant in her own comfort zone of delusion.
She is not scared to trigger people in case they get up and leave her, for she would prefer having friends who are able to take responsibility for their own triggers and who aren't scared to look at themselves, for those are the qualities she wishes to nurture within herself.
She is also no longer afraid to be alone, and trusts that the right company will stick and stay throughout this process of growth, as they are busy growing themselves.
The Empath is a powerful individual whose greatest tool is Self Love. Once she begins to nurture her own inner garden, the scent of her roses waft through the streets and her sweetness inspires those around her to follow suit.
She transmutes her own pain into wisdom, and becomes a great friend, lover and community member.
The path of self discovery can be exceptionally painful once we begin to become aware of our unconscious behaviors and patterns, but the process of clearing debris from the pure river of love that flows through us, is priceless, and the reward is endless.
I am an empath without boundaries in recovery, and I am proud of myself for coming so far.~
~Aziza Azura